“I discovered recently that my friends don’t include me in their plans.”

I sense the hurt of the reader who shared this with me. Though painful, a feeling of rejection can often escalate into low self-esteem and become the pattern in future relationships.

Before reaching a conclusion, it may be helpful to iron out the pragmatics of the situation and not take things personally.

For instance, find out whether the plan was made when you were absent from college that particular day, and whether others were excluded as well.

Was it because you were not included in the email list or maybe you overlooked the mention on Facebook?

Sometimes a group of people initiate a plan and the exclusion is just an oversight. Did your friends just assume that you may not be interested or that you were busy with something else or someone else? Probably the best way is to ask your friends and share how you feel with them.

Depending on their response you will understand the genuineness: Do they apologise and remember to include you the next time?

If they continue to ignore you, it is best to stay out of their social swirl. If it is apparent that it has been a conscious exclusion, it is best to move on.

Making new friends and finding new hobbies were how I coped when I had similar experiences as a college student.

It may be good to join a club, gym or language course where you can meet other people.

Trying to think of ways to ‘fit in’ is best avoided as it is important for you to be who you are.

Negative self-talk like ‘I am not good enough’ and ‘They don’t like me’ should be nipped in the bud as it leads to low self-confidence.

A good way out would be to use this opportunity to discover more about yourself.

Published on January 20, 2013