If you have been to socialite parties, you must have met two kinds of people: the first are those who are reasonably well-known. If their faces are familiar, that’s either because they work in an area that guarantees visibility such as films or fashion. Or else, they are success stories in law, medicine, education and other low-visibility occupations and also enjoy letting their hair down at parties. Then, there are those who are obsessed with attending dos in which the who’s who is present. They try to befriend real achievers, including shaking hands or posing for photographs with them.

Parties of this kind are typically a show of wealth and status that the invitees relate to. Even if the party is held at home, the cost of food per person ranges between Rs 800 and Rs 2,000. If held at a hotel, it varies between Rs 1,000 and Rs 5,000, depending on the menu. Southeast Asian and Mediterranean cuisines feature prominently, especially as the latter offers a choice of dishes from various countries. Diet-friendly finger foods circulate, alongside liquor of the best quality: expensive scotch and high-end vodka, apart from imported beer and excellent wines. That the spend on alcohol greatly exceeds that of food guarantees an evening that’s high on excitement.

The setting perennially draws gatecrashers, who manage to enter the party one way or the other. “Oh my God,” coos Shalini Mehta*, a socialite who runs her own business and hosts several classy parties, “I come across many of them… they have the audacity to talk to me as if I have known them for years. They usually accompany my genuine guests, who honestly inform me about their failure to say ‘no’ to them… they apologise for the unwanted intrusion.” Shalini says she has been compelled to act firmly on some occasions. “When they try to behave as if they own my show, I have very little choice but to ask them to leave.”

Businessman Aditya Sarwate*, who also enjoys hosting parties, shares a funny story. “There was this person I had invited rather reluctantly because we had met at other parties. One newspaper happened to publish a few photographs of my party. As this fellow’s photograph wasn’t published, he actually called me up and wept,” he says. “I have guests in their 50s who want to be invited simply because they know me one way or the other. They are among the first to arrive, and hang around till the end. The moment they spot a model among the guests, they walk towards her and introduce themselves. If they manage to talk to her for five minutes, they consider it an achievement of sorts.”

Shalini mentions a party-hopper who appears to ‘be partying four times a week.’ “He has started several businesses but failed every time... he has never shown any active interest in any of his ventures. The sad thing is that his attitude has made him a laughing stock. But he seems to forget it entirely the moment he meets a celebrity. He starts talking about his illustrious parents and grandparents. He discusses his forthcoming business venture. The celeb doesn’t have a choice but to hear him out.”

So, why do such individuals prioritise parties over everything else? Psychologist Alpana Vaidya says, “These individuals seek to satisfy their need for status, recognition, prestige and affiliation. They want to believe that others will look at them as part of the crowd and not outside it. Then, there are those who do networking to further their business interests. The most common characteristic, however, is the desperate need to be seen with those who are well-known and popular.”

Sociologist Jyoti Gagangras offers an interesting insight. “Sociologically speaking, this is an era in which many people feel insecure and unstable. In fact, even if you look at big stars, you will notice that s/he tries really hard to come across as different from the others around him or her.” She believes that a similar insecurity torments the wannabes whose solitary desire is to rub shoulders with the best. “However, since these individuals seldom achieve anything worth talking about, they cut a very sorry figure. Although they don’t go to parties to get an opportunity to walk the ramp or act in a film, they seek a slice of limelight that they can only get if seen with someone else.”

(* names changed)

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