“I get a lot of party invites which I don’t want to avoid in case am viewed a geek... At the same time I want to do well.”

College life certainly conjures up images of a hectic social life as it is a stage for initiating a social network independently. However, I think learning to develop a healthy work-life balance is the key.

Whilst it is clear that you are popular, I am not convinced that succumbing to peer pressure is the way forward. It may be helpful for you to re-frame the reason for your need to attend the parties. In other words, rather than worrying about whether you fit in, you could think of the socialising opportunities as a break from course work or as a treat when you have completed an assignment or exams. You could prioritise the invitations according to frequency (e.g., two a month).

Another important aspect is to develop your individuality. I am sure people like you for the person you are, so why not define yourself further? I think college is a wonderful platform to develop healthy habits like organisation, responsibility, commitment and to avoid the habit of procrastination (e.g., frequent partying can be a mask for avoiding work). Not being afraid to say no also reflects a sense of confidence.

If you enjoy meeting people it may be good to do so through other activities as well; example, becoming a member of a club or organisation. College years can be used to develop other skills or hobbies; rock climbing, joining a book club, debating society, drama club to name a few are great options that could help build up your CV.

Utilising the socialising opportunities as healthy choices that you make to improve your quality of life may be a way forward.

(The author is a clinical psychologist based in London, with an interest in working through adjustment issues with young adults.)

Published on March 6, 2013