Empty cup, new tea!

Many of us often wonder why we are not making much headway in our careers in spite of picking up new skills and knowledge. Seldom do we reflect on what is holding us back! CEO Coach, Ram Charan, in his writings on leadership, has asserted that the problem with most managers is their inability to “let go.” And since this mindset operates at an unconscious level, many of us are blissfully unaware of our desire to stick with old habits — which can become a serious problem for managers as they prepare to take on bigger responsibilities.

The monk and woman

The parable of the two monks, recounted below, depicts the mindset of ‘not letting go' very well. Two monks were strolling by a stream on their way back to the monastery. They were startled by the sound of a young woman in a bridal gown, sitting by the stream, crying softly. She needed to cross the stream to get to her wedding but feared that doing so might ruin her beautiful gown.

In this particular sect, monks were prohibited from touching women. But one monk was filled with compassion for the bride. Ignoring the sanction, he hoisted the woman on his shoulders and carried her across the stream. She smiled and bowed with gratitude as the monk splashed his way back across the stream to rejoin his companion.

The second monk was livid. “How could you do that?” he scolded. “You know we are forbidden from touching a woman, much less picking one up and carrying her around.”

The monk who had committed this transgression listened in silence to a stern lecture that lasted all the way back to the monastery. After returning to the monastery, he fell asleep for a few hours. He was jostled and awakened in the middle of the night by his fellow monk.

“How could you carry that woman?” the agitated monk cried out, “someone else could have carried her across the stream. You were a bad monk!”

“What woman?” the sleepy monk inquired.

“Don't you even remember that woman you carried across the river?” his friend snapped.

“Oh, her?” laughed the sleepy monk. “I only carried her across the stream. You carried her all the way back to the monastery.”

Why letting go is difficult?

What we need to “let go” cuts across many dimensions of our lives. Sometimes it is habits and at other times our attitude. For example, finance and marketing specialists may find it difficult to let go of their functional obsession even when they rise to take up general management responsibilities. As a result, their performance in the new role suffers.The performance of the newly appointed marketing or finance manager is also affected, frustrating the incumbent.

Letting go is difficult for a variety of reasons. At one level, it can be put down to an attachment with the past and the success that came with it. At another level, this behaviour could be the result of an unconscious belief that future success depends on continued mastery of what he or she was good at. When this becomes a deep-rooted belief, it begins to derail the future career of the manager.

Deeper issues

Sometimes, the problem is not past success. At a deeper level, the manager's behaviour may put off people whose cooperation and contributions are critical to his or her future success. For example, stealing the credit for another's work or shooting the messenger who brings the bad news can be behaviours that can make good people run away! Sometimes the issue can be much deeper, for example, getting angry at the drop of the hat. When the issue is deeply psychological (an unfulfilled desire or dream or a deep sense of hurt), the behaviour persists.

While many behavioural flaws can be overcome with help from a good coach who can raise awareness and, thereby, responsibility, deeply psychological issues will require psychotherapy by a qualified psychiatrist or psychotherapist.

Executive coaches are often contracted by organisations to help successful / promising managers get over such behavioural flaws. Through 360-degree feedback and observations by the coach at interactive sessions /meetings, clues to such derailing behaviours can be obtained and shared with the manager concerned. Many managers have overcome such success-limiting behaviours with coaching. The key is to recognise which of the behaviours can be managed with coaching and which require therapeutic treatment.

Managers improve when they recognise the monkey on their back and how it hurts their success. For example, a manager who consistently avoids delegating and in the process becomes habituated to over-committing and under-delivering earns a reputation of ‘not being dependable'.

Recognising this problem and more importantly working on it with a coach is critical to long-term success. This involves letting go. And letting go is not always easy, especially when it means getting out of one's comfort zone.

Returning to the monk's story, many of us are challenged when we need to leave the baggage behind just as we noticed with the monk! After all, we can pour new tea only when we empty the cup first!

(C. Mahalingam is Executive Vice-President & Chief People Officer with Symphony Services Corporation. He can be reached at >mahalingam.c@symphonysv.com )

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