I recently lost my grandfather whom I was very close to. I feel tearful and am struggling to cope. I worry that this will go on for a long time and that it may affect my college work.

The death of a close family member is the most stressful life event and the hardest to deal with.

Bereavement brings about an overwhelming sense of grief. The grieving process includes initial feelings of numbness and disbelief together with an aching void. Feelings of anger and unfairness at being deserted may also surface as also feelings of guilt about leaving things unresolved and unsaid.

Crying and tearfulness are natural expressions of grief and have a cathartic function. I would therefore advise you to not try and suppress your tears.

The apparent lack of control and inability to function as before are also natural responses; example, you may find yourself tearing up in unpredictable situations and without any trigger. On the other hand, certain memories, smells, sounds and sights that you associate with your grandfather may cause you to cry.

Some people also experience changes in their sleep and appetite, and concentration as well can be affected. At such times it is best not to do too much at once.

That time is a healer is well known and often things get better with the passage of time; precious memories will always remain.

Reminiscing and exchanging stories are ways of coping. Keeping to a routine even when you do not feel up to it is important.

You can help yourself by having some time off from what has happened by socialising with friends, watching a feel-good film and getting on with an interesting activity. When you are feeling overwhelmed by course-work, it is best to try and do something more relaxing.

It is important to recognise what you are feeling and to be kind to yourself. The more easily you accept the need to grieve, the easier will it be for you to cope with it. If difficulties persist beyond a year, you could speak to a counsellor.

nraoseven@gmail.com.

Nirupama is a clinical psychologist based in London, with an interest in working through adjustment issues with young adults.

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