I’m not saying every case of sexual violence goes unpunished. There must be a case or two glowing quietly in the record books of some valiant judge or lawyer, where punishment was meted out to the guilty. But more often than not the guilty get off scot-free.

Obvious, violent crimes against women stand a better chance of the victim finding redress in the form of punishment to the accused. It’s the quieter, insidious form of abuse that is more difficult all the way: the constant physical teasing young women in towns and villages face, the rapes by older male relatives and colleagues that is more common than one imagines, and the sexual abuse that seems to come as a package deal for men in authority.

Despite the laws of the land, hard-wrung by women activists, and despite POSCO, abuse stalks women in the home as well as in the workplace. This is not an attack on men, branding them as potential offenders. Some men, may their tribe increase, do realise that respecting women as equals increases their own level of respect.

Basic truths

But all of us, men and women, need to understand some basic truths that lie hidden beneath the myths that we choose to believe in and which so conveniently absolve us from taking action:

No woman wants to be abused, especially sexually.

Women put up with sexual abuse as they fear the perpetrator; who may be stronger, more powerful, higher up in the hierarchy.

A woman may continue to be seen with the perpetrator in public, because her job or family status requires her to do so. It does not mean she condones or enjoys what she is being made to suffer.

A woman who speaks up is not craving for attention. Speaking up, despite the stigma, despite the silence that is enforced on victims, is a hard bridge to cross. And speaking up requires a new level of courage. Such women need to be heard out, and supported.

By speaking out, a woman is taking on not just a boy’s club that could be made up of the perpetrator’s peers, colleagues, or members of whichever social, religious or political group he may belong to, but often even women who choose not to believe for reasons of their own.

Only a foolish woman would falsely admit to being raped or abused by someone more powerful, risking her life, as well as the stigma that will follow her for the rest of her life.

Finally, a victim is not to be blamed, shamed or held responsible. The perpetrator must be the one to clear his name.

Yet, whether it is the nun in Kerala who accused a bishop of repeated rape, or the Olympian wrestlers who finally decided to collectively test the might of their resistance to abuse outside the akhada, it is the victims who are victimised further. They are trolled, humiliated and if political stakes are involved, even beaten and jailed.

Sexual abuse is, simply put, not acceptable. And silence is acceptance — be it the mother of a minor crying of abuse, a boss or a political bigwig. If they do nothing to correct the wrong and stop the abuser they are party to the crime. And just as guilty.

The writer is a Consulting Editor with Penguin India

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