An SOS for men

Rallies are all too common in Kolkata for a few dozen protesting men to grab attention. Undeterred by possible indifference, Hridaya, a men’s rights organisation in the city, pulled out all stops on December 1 to make its dissent heard. The group’s members hit the streets in only their towels. The message scrawled on their bare potbellies and placards was simple: ‘Roll back the Marriage Laws Amendment Bill’. Already passed by the Rajya Sabha, the Bill is set to be tabled in the Lower House during the Parliament’s winter session. If passed, the Bill will force husbands to compensate their divorced wives monetarily, even putting their inheritance at stake. Asserting that any such law would be gender biased, Hridaya’s secretary Amit Gupta says, “We organised a ‘gamcha’ rally to show that men will soon be left with nothing else but the towel on their bodies.” This February, several of their members even marched through Kolkata in saris. Gupta adds, “We were opposing the same Bill even then. No one hears a man’s voice anymore, so we decided to become women too.”

The scope of Hridaya’s ambit is by no means limited to legislative measures alone. Working under the umbrella of a national movement called Save Indian Family (SIF), the Kolkata-based NGO and other sister organisations such as Delhi’s Save Family Foundation (SFF) together launched a dedicated helpline for men in 2014, an Android app and a tweeting application called ‘Switter’. Multiple points of access have ensured easy access to SIF’s Yahoo groups, websites and related literature. As a result, a fair number of men are believed to have crawled out of the woodwork, telling stories of physical and sexual abuse, marital discord and failed relationships. Ritwik Bisaria, who is in charge of public relations for SFF and all its activities, is quick to make a comparison — “On an average, we get 130 calls a day. Compare that to the 100 received by the national helpline for women in distress (181). This alone tells you that men really need help. We also find that those calling us are most often suicidal.”

As a counsellor with Hridaya, Arindam Dutta attempts to find solutions to the pressing problems of approximately 10-15 men each week. “Every call is a tale of destruction and hopelessness. With every story I hear, I feel more appalled about the direction in which our society is heading.” A majority of the men who get in touch with Dutta have recently had criminal cases lodged against them and their families by their now-estranged wives. “Women are alleging sexual harassment by fathers- and brothers-in-law. You hear these accusations of unnatural sex and molestation. Then you have the charge of an attempt to murder,” rues Dutta.

The 32-year-old relates easily to those he counsels. Married in 2012, Dutta’s relationship with his wife soured after she accused him of cruelty and pressed charges under Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code. Having lost his job in the IT sector, Dutta laments, “Such charges have a direct impact on your career and social standing. You and your parents are soon considered to be wife beaters and dowry seekers.” Still fighting to prove his innocence in court, the counsellor says that it is not his task to determine the culpability of the men he gives advice to — “I have complete faith in our country’s criminal justice system. When a victim comes to me, I’m no one to judge that person or deliver a verdict. I don’t know if he’s innocent or guilty. He will have to stand trial. I can just try and support the man who’s crying at the end of a line.”

RTI activist and Hridaya counsellor Joydeep Bakshi had turned to the organisation in despair. He says, “I was depressed for a long while after my wife’s family filed cases against me. Hridaya helped me find loopholes in their allegations. My name has been cleared now, but I’ll never forget how the NGO stood by me when my wife’s boyfriend stabbed me and attacked me with acid.” Assuming the role of a Shylock with too much élan, Amit Gupta asks — “If a man is attacked with acid, will his skin not burn? If one gender is protected, why criminalise the other?”

The battle being fought by Hridaya and SIF activists seems almost impossible. Protecting the rights of the misjudged might well be a noble cause, but portraying an entitled majority as the wronged underdog is what often raises eyebrows. The likes of Gupta are quick to spout statistics, but their defence of the same borders on the preposterous. According to National Crime Records Bureau figures, 64,098 married men had committed suicide in 2013. In comparison, the figure of 24,491 married women taking their lives seemed meagre. Gupta argues, “This discrepancy exists because throughout history, men have been defined by two roles — that of a protector and provider. The woman always has that great right of choice.” The campaigner’s defence of patriarchy belies his own rhetoric. “Why does control only have to mean something negative? It could also mean discipline, safeguards, protecting and providing.”

It is predictable that the controversial Rohtak sisters have found little favour with SIF’s network of over 50 NGOs. Branding them serial thrashers, SFF’s founder member Swarup Sarkar warned of a backlash, “Injustice somewhere is a direct threat to justice everywhere.” Placed in the context of decades-old sexism and misogyny, that truism really couldn’t get any more ironic.

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