Single but not alone

Come winter, snow or rain, for the past 15-odd years, Meera (name changed) has been knocking on the doors of courts in Himachal Pradesh. Deserted by her husband, who moved in with another woman in the same village, she decided to stay back at her in-laws' house.

“The moment my husband left the house, my in-laws were after me to move out with my children. But I decided to stay put in my room. They refused to give food to my children and me. I did domestic work and sewing to fend for my children,” she says.

Meera said she was not aware of her rights for maintenance and property, till she got in touch with some women's organisations. But, with parents far away in another village and no support from the villagers or the Government, she was alone in her struggle.

But things started changing when she joined the National Forum for Single Women's Rights - an organisation that voices the rights of low-income single women, most of whom are deserted, divorced, widowed or unmarried. Belonging as they do to the Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Jain, Sikh communities, it is their shared miseries, exploitation, and absence of any legal rights that brought them together. Their slogan is: We are single, not alone!

There are more than 3.98 crore Indian women who are single, according to Census 2001. But the figure does not include separated women or those whose husbands are missing, according to a survey of seven states — Bihar, Gujarat, Himachal Pradesh, Jharkhand, Maharashtra and Rajasthan — released by the forum. Says Ginny Srivastava, who heads the forum and works mainly in Rajasthan, “Single women, especially in rural areas, are compelled to live a marginalised, exploited and neglected life, constrained by cruel customs. For instance, widows are not allowed to attend ‘happy events'. And if a woman is deserted, she is not supposed to look happy or attractive.”

No charity, only dignity

A roof over their heads and a life of dignity is all that these women are asking for. Many of them were in Delhi recently to meet the Planning Commission as well as the UPA Chairperson, Sonia Gandhi. They were seeking not charity, but adequate budgetary provisions for having a right to shelter, social security, health benefits and skill enhancement, among others.

“We are often taunted by our own families, especially if we do not economically contribute, no matter how much housework we do. My brother told me that even though I am his sister, he didn't want me in the house,” said a young widow from Gujarat.

In some states, single women are even termed as ‘witches' or declared mentally unstable to either grab hold of their property, if any, or get rid of them, says Ginny.

The study, which covered single women from various castes, communities and tribes, found that most of those between the age of 30 and 60 were not well-schooled, had poor health since they were denied proper food. In fact, most of them said they were the last to be served food in their families.

“Indian culture is patriarchal and domestic violence, verbal and physical, is common, even in cases where women work both in the house and outside, as daily wagers or agricultural labourers,” says Ginny.

If some women have ownership of land and property, these are seldom under their control.

Marketing help needed

Vanaja (name changed) from Gujarat, unmarried, led a lonely life. But, now she has friends in the forum. The forum keeps her busy in co-ordinating work in her area, meeting the authorities and organising group activities, such as papad or pickle making or sewing to make these women economically independent. “But marketing is a big problem. Whom will we approach on our own? It is this kind of help that we are seeking from the Central and State Governments”, she said.

In India, widows are not treated well, but they are still a shade better off than those who have been deserted, divorced or unmarried. “The social mindset is such that they blame the woman for things going wrong with her life,” says a woman from Jharkhand.

The status is similar for Muslim women. Anjuman has two children, works in a beedi factory in Rajasthan and earns about Rs 20 a day. She had asked for mehr (a Muslim woman's right to economic resources at the time of marriage) from her husband who deserted her, but he said “In lieu of mehr , I have given you a son.” While he married thrice, Anjuman lives in her natal home with her children. After her mother's death, she feared that her brothers might throw her out any day. But now, after meeting other women like her, Anjuman is confident and hopeful of better days ahead.

According to a 2009 study by advocate Kirti Singh, who interviewed 405 separated and divorced middle- and low-income women, almost 50 per cent had not asked for maintenance, with most of the marital property remaining in the name of the husband. As a result, these women were left with no farm land, no property, and usually no marital home - apart from leading a lonely existence, with feelings of trauma, emptiness and loneliness.

With no say in the family and society, the hopes of these women now rest with raising a united voice - for resources, land rights, food, social security and health benefits.

COMMENT NOW