Bollywood is buzzing, and as usual it’s the brainy Khan who’s stirring things up. After the stupendous success of Dhoom 3, which crossed the coveted Rs 200 crore mark one week before release, few thought the superstar could outdo himself. But the tiny genius has done it again, by announcing that he will be playing identical triplets in the upcoming Dhoom 4.

“Their father has a job in the circus juggling babies,” explained Khan, “Until an Aston Martin driven by a mysterious masked man drives into the circus tent, slaying three. In the ensuing confusion, the brothers are separated. One of them grows up to be a police officer, the second turns into a criminal genius, while the third becomes a cross-dressing transvestite trapeze artiste with a butt to die for. It’s a classic love triangle.”

Demonstrating a consciousness that very few other stars possess, the thinking hero has indicated that his decision to also play the heroine was driven by market forces. “With the economy under pressure, we wanted to keep costs under control,” he said, “This helps to achieve that, while at the same time giving me an opportunity to shake my booty. I also have awesome chemistry with the heroine, because it’s me.”

Will the film be in any way inspired by his favourite director, Christopher Nolan, we asked the superstar?

“He called up and begged for mercy,” said the visionary actor, “We decided to honour his request.”

>Will this parrot be the next head of CBI?

(The Investigator is a fortnightly round-up of all things droll and newsy. All views are personal. Really personal.)

Shovon Chowdhury is chief Truthdigger and author of The Competent Authority. Follow Shovon on Twitter >@shovonc

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