I recently discovered from another source that a girl, who I considered to be a good friend, has been referring to me as ‘lazy’ and has been saying that I did not contribute to a group-project to the lecturer-in-charge. I was hurt, especially as I had worked very hard. What can I do?

Nirupama Dwivedi answers: Sometimes people can resort to underhand ways if they feel insecure and competitive. However, if a person has the need to shine by putting another individual down, it does not say much about them. You are probably reeling under the shock that someone you considered a friend has let you down as well as the distress of being unfairly described to your teacher, especially as you say that you have worked hard.

Of course, it may be necessary to confirm the situation as you have heard it from another source. I think it may be a fair idea for you to make your ‘friend’ aware that you know what is going on. If she takes the responsibility and apologises, you could state that it is important for you that both of you together clarify the situation with the lecturer.

If she expresses no remorse, it would be best to distance from such a person. As this situation has clearly shown you, it is best not to take things for granted. Instead, it is important to take the initiative to communicate and provide feedback about one’s own progress to the people concerned.

(Nirupama is a clinical psychologist who addresses adjustment issues of young adults).

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