Ever watched Indian and Pakistani border guards greet each other as they close and open the gates at Wagah every day? Decked up, they strut their stuff belligerently, each side trying to outdo the other — now watch gentlemen birds of paradise court their ladies. And it’s not just us. Check out the ceremonial uniforms world over, what with their helmets and tassels, and cummerbunds and ropes of gold braid, and shiny boots. This sort of macho military puffery and aggression happens everywhere. Because we are all like that only... Just like the animals, birds, reptiles, fishes and creepy crawlies around us.

One of the hallmarks of good ‘executive’ practice is being on time or punctuality (alas, a concept still too advanced for most Indians to grasp), and making the best of your time. Well, I’m woken up promptly at dawn everyday by the red-whiskered bulbul, which ‘puts up’ in the bougainvillea creeper outside my bedroom window. His alarm is set for sunrise, thereby, making the most of the daylight hours. In summer, he wakes as early as 4.45am; in winter, he lets me sleep till 7.30.

Every time a flight touches down or takes off on time, I marvel. And then I think of all those migratory birds which — without the benefit of GPS, ATCs, a thousand satellites spinning around, and all the hugely expensive bundobast — land on the same tiny water body virtually on the same day every year, after flying more than 8,000km. Our ancient mariners navigated by the sun and moon and stars; those damn dung beetles were doing that long before that, let alone butterflies and moths and birds. I’m not sure what salmon and turtles use, but they get back to the very same rivers where they were spawned or the beaches they scuttled away from as babies, after roaming the oceans.

Now take romance and love, and marriage and family. Some of us are monogamous, some bigamous, some just believe in scattering wild oats far and wide and breaking hearts, others keep harems, many get a divorce, some of us have joint families, some nuclear ones, and some are single parents. The animals had all of this covered long before us: sarus cranes are revered for their fidelity, though most birds, sensibly, take a new partner every breeding season. Some like the rakish sparrows and baya weavers have roving eyes, and may be adulterous or bigamous. Burrowing owls believe in free love (they do live in California after all), stags, wild bovines, simians and sea lions try and run harems along fundamentalist lines. Males battle over females, who make all the decisions and do all the criticising. And we are like that only too.

Many wise animal families are matriarchal: elephants and lions, for example, where the macho dude is only allowed in when the ladies deem fit. Of course, he’ll throw his weight around and snort and stomp, but all hard decisions are made by the ladies. Some, like the painted-snipe go a step further: the lady is the one all dressed to the nines and makes her husband — pale and etiolated by comparison — sit on the eggs while she goes a-philandering!

As for family life, in animal communities single-parent families are the norm, with the mom bringing up the brats by herself. Many canines, however, believe in sharing the work, with both mom and dad looking after the brats. Once the pups hit adulthood — they, especially the raja betas — are shown the door. Daughters may be allowed to stay longer to help look after subsequent siblings. And some, like the hyenas, have extended families. Meerkats live in communes, and flamingoes run day-care crèches, which sometimes turn into unruly gangs. Elephant babies are looked after by their moms, sisters and aunts. And now there are reported cases from Ranthambore of tiger dads becoming tiger ‘moms’. As I said, we are, hopefully, becoming like that only too.

Even reptiles look after their broods — crocs will guard their eggs and be gentle with their babies until they can fend for themselves. Turtles alas, just lay their eggs and scuttle back into the sea — but they make enough babies to ensure at least one in a thousand lives to be a 100. (And, sad but true, people in undeveloped economies often have large families for the very same reason.) Creepy crawlies, of course, have the most enviable family life by modern standards. They meet, they court, the gentleman may bring gifts (even birds do this), they may dance, the gentleman may get eaten during the course of the honeymoon and the lady burps delicately, lays her eggs and flies away into the wide blue yonder. And now, we too are becoming like that only.

And there’s always politics: ants run totalitarian regimes that would put North Korea to shame; bees, wasps and ants slave tirelessly all their lives, go to war even, for the Great Leader, the Queen Bee. Alpha male macaques may be built like bouncers, but they still have to kiss the babies to curry favour with the powerful sorority of high-ranking females if they want to remain in power. Wild bovines allow birds to pick off the ticks on their hides, which is just one of many bilateral (trade) agreements species have signed between themselves. Lionesses set up Machiavellian ambushes for their victims, in perfect synchrony with each other. The animals play politics like we do — only, not as dirtily.

Girls apart, it’s all about territory. Every living creature — human, animal, bird, insect, fish, bacteria — fights over turf (and parking space). We humans add illegal encroachments to our properties. We accuse the neighbours of doing the same. We draw boundaries between countries, put up walls and barbed wire fences, and go to war if someone puts a foot wrong — just like them. Chimpanzees conduct border raids on their neighbours. God forbid you enter the territory of a tiger boss. And I’ve actually been buzzed by a dragonfly for infringing on its airspace! Approach a beehive beyond the Line of Control and…

So the next time you visit the zoo and watch young men jump up and down and make faces and hoot in front of the monkeys’ cages, you’ll know it’s because we are like that only.

( Ranjit Lalis an author and environmentalist )

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