It is difficult to read the memoir of an American stripper without having certain preconceived notions, especially when they have chosen of their own volition to earn a living by undressing and gyrating on a public stage to titillate the audience. An exceptional narrative could prove such biases wrong, showing the subject in a new light. Unfortunately, Sita Kaylin’s memoir, Anything But A Wasted Life , does nothing of the sort. On the contrary, it reinforces the stereotypes.

Born to hippie parents who separated when she was still a child, Kaylin grew up in an intensely dysfunctional environment. Rolling joints from an early age and witnessing first-hand drug use in the hippie communal homes, she soon came to normalise physical and emotional abuse. She, however, manages to also ferret out some of the (admittedly few) beautiful aspects of her childhood.

Ironically enough, dichotomy seems to be the only constant about her life. Comfortable in her skin and upfront about her chosen profession — a stripper at a club in California — she nevertheless remains a jaded cynic throughout. Not a chapter goes by without mention of the dreariness, utter exhaustion and confusion that marked her way of life.

There is no single, continuous narrative. The structure of the memoir reflects the state of constant flux that Kaylin dwells in. She switches between the present and past without warning and when you least expect it. Yet, a few chapters into the book, you stop noticing the jumps because you are so used to the underlying pattern of her life. There is sex and drugs; alcohol and orgies; mental disorders, suicide attempts and volatile personal relationships. On the work front, there is stripper talk, garish dressing and swinging between bankruptcy and comfortable cash flow. An incipient boredom creeps in, making you want to quickly flip through the pages in the faint hope that something new might eventually crop up.

But Kaylin’s life as a stripper is anything but dull. The memoir does justice to the blurb about strip clubs being “circuses, brothels and wellness centres all wrapped into one”. Some clients are philosophical, some develop stalker-ish tendencies, while others have unmentionable kinks and questionable morals. There are tales of teenage angst gone wrong, fairy tale trips with clients and regular life troubles. Still, the narrative leaves you dissatisfied and with a vaguely bitter aftertaste.

The sole aspect about this book that may satisfy the modern-day female reader is Kaylin’s intensely independent and devil-may-care approach to life. She comes across as a strong woman who sometimes embraces her whole self and does not conform to societal norms. She is unapologetic about having what she terms a ‘deviant and foxy nature’. Such an embracing of female sexuality carries a powerful message of women’s liberation. However, this feeling is somewhat negated owing to the author’s persistent insecurities over her romantic partners.

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Anyting But a Wasted LifeSIta KaylinHarperCollinsNon-fiction₹499

 

 

Towards the end of the book are some of the most relatable sections of the author’s life, as she grapples with efforts to balance romance with her profession. Her romantic liaisons take precedence over her work life every time, not unlike any other professional today attempting a work-life balance. The author’s cheerful, kind and yet confused soul, and her dry sense of humour come across through her use of language. Equally palpable is a sense of intense self-loathing and of trying too hard. At the end of it all, however, she retains a detached outlook on life, brushing aside unpleasant situations with a sigh and a ‘ c’est la vie ’! On the other hand, the use of a conversational tone throughout, strewn with stripper and druggie colloquialisms, may not always be easy to follow for the average non-American reader. Another major drawback of the book is its abundance of gratuitous and extravagant sexual scenarios. It is relentless and in-your-face in the most literal sense.

Urbi Chatterjee is a Young India Fellow at Ashoka University