Vadra School of Management to shut down!

The representative of Warren Buffet offers me a seat. I have no way of verifying his identity, but he has the satisfied air of a man whose bank statements can be set to music.

“May I offer you some money,” he asks.

“We have plenty.” I politely decline. We have a strict policy about bribery at BLink. “What is this I hear about your withdrawing support to the Vadra School of Management,” I ask. “With our economy facing so many challenges, do you think this is right or fair?”

In keeping with the national mood, nowadays I am aggressive with foreigners.

“It’s a sad case,” he says, “We had so much hope for this young man. After seeing his spectacular success in 2012, Mr Buffet was very relieved. ‘At last the search for my successor is over,’ he had said, ‘this young man will ensure a glorious future for Berkshire Hathaway.’

Indore to build camp for toilet refugees!

Gangu Ram is sitting on a commode, clutching a battered tin trunk. “I spent extra money on Western style, hoping they would spare me next time,” he explains.

Still on a high from their victory, local officials are upbeat. “When society leaps forward, sacrifices are required,” says the secretary, pending toilets, “but we are not blind to the needs of citizens. While their toilets are being constructed, the homeless will be provided with tents and temporary toilets. In cases where people have already paid for permanent toilets, the current policy will be continued. Toilets will eventually be constructed, but only after demolishing their homes, which are without toilets. We are exploring other innovative techniques to discourage open defecation, such as eating less, leaping out at people and shouting ‘Surprise!’ as they defecate, and planting thorny bushes near railway tracks. No effort will be spared.Come what may,we will ensure that Indore is the proud winner of the Golden Commode again.”

Ally Subramaniam was born in the South-west Sundarbans, but was blown away by a cyclone and washed up on the shore near Chennai. He was adopted by a poor Brahmin family from Tirupur. He can answer all your questions. Just send them to askallysubramaniam@gmail.com

Ask Ally

Dear Ally,

Should I support Hrithik or Kangana?

Regards,

Panchanan Maity, Asansol

Dear Mr Maity,

You are a Bengali. If one of them were Bengali, your choice would be clear. Don’t think I forgot the fuss you made about Sourav, unnecessarily maligning MS Dhoni, and even trying to push a Bengali wicketkeeper to replace him. We notice these things. Instead, we have to judge the case on merit. Both are very hot, which puts us on the horns of a dilemma. Hrithik is older, but he has maintained himself very well, while Kangana is enjoying youthful beauty. Domicile could also be a factor. Kangana is from the hills, but I’m not sure where Hrithik is from. In terms of dancing skills they are almost equal, although Hrithik’s hips are more flexible. Fitness- wise, she is slightly better. If you believe Karan Johar needs to be stopped, you should support Kangana. If you are a feminist, or pretending to be a feminist in order to attract girls, support Kangana. If you support Arnab, you should support Hrithik, since he is supporting him. In the interview that he conducted, Hrithik was sensitive and sincere. He made a favourable impression. Even Arnab was sensitive and sincere. At the same time, he was manly, and controlled his emotions. He showed a softer side that the nation rarely sees. On the whole, you should support Arnab.

Yours sincerely, Ally

The Investigatoris a monthly round-up of all things droll and newsy. All views are personal. Really personal.

Shovon Chowdhury is chief Truthdigger and author of The Competent Authority; @shovonc