My friend and I live far away from each other. Since both of us work and have young children we find it difficult to meet. However, we speak on the phone and message each other very regularly and are aware of everything that’s going on in each other’s lives. About four weeks ago, I was upset about a personal problem and had discussed it with her; she was both supportive and firm. After that I had messaged her a few times to find out how she was and she ignored me. We had planned to meet in a week and when I messaged her to confirm the plans, she did not respond. I am not sure what’s going on.

Nirupama Dwivedi answers: It could be that your friend is genuinely busy and does not have the time to call or message you.

You could try leaving her one more message or call her in order to confirm the time and place of meeting up.

If there is no further response, I think it is best to give her the opportunity to initiate contacting you.

Chances are that something is going on in her life which is worrying her or that she is unwell. If following the proposed meeting there still is no communication from her, you could email a non-confrontational, straightforward message such as, ‘I feel worried about you’ or ‘I hope all is well with you.’ If there is no contact from her for about two months or so, it may be her way of saying that she does not want to continue the friendship. I would advise you to not send her any more messages.

Hurtful as it feels, it may be useful for you to come to terms with the fact that she may want to move on. Considering you have been close, it is only fair that she lets you know how she feels.

Of course, there is no need to play the blame game. And chances are that she may get in touch with you after a few months and things may just pick up from where you both had left it.

If you lose contact, I think, it is best not to stress oneself out as friendship is meant to be a two-way and collaborative experience.

Nirupama is a clinical psychologist.

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