A key message in ‘ Mind over Money: Overcoming the money disorders that threaten our financial health' by Brad Klontz and Ted Klontz ( www.landmarkonthenet.com ) is that it is essential to keep things in perspective. The authors observe that many of us hold on to the erroneous belief that more money would make us happy, while in fact people who are focused on material gains at the expense of personal relationships are some of the more unhappy people around.

The Klontz pair, therefore, urges you to invest time and energy in relationships, resisting the temptation to be isolated in times of stress. Take some time out for yourself, but do not spend all of your free time alone, they advise. “Isolation can lead to loneliness and depression. Spend time each day with loved ones who support and care for you. Meet a friend for lunch. Stay involved in family and community activities.”

Focus on present

Another tip to transform your financial life is to focus on the present, rather than ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Make an effort to spend time living in the moment, become fully immersed in whatever you are doing, the authors counsel. “Do it right now. Take a deep breath, hold it, and let it go. When you get into the flow of life, you forget yourself and bring your focus, energy, and talents to bear to achieve your goals.”

To those who fret that energy is forever in short supply, a simple counsel in the book is to ‘get moving,' because regular exercise is one of the quickest ways to improve your mood, clear your mind, and give you energy to tackle your problems. “Studies have shown that walking for twenty or thirty minutes at a time gives you many of the benefits of more strenuous exercise, including relief of depression. Try making a walk part of your regular routine. Go with your significant other or a friend; we're much better at keeping up with new habits when we do them with others.”

Tilted table

Imagine sitting at a table that has one leg shorter than the others, write the authors, in the opening chapter. If the imbalance is slight, it is just mildly annoying, but if the legs are really uneven and the table tilts too far, it becomes unstable and unusable, they explain.

Adding that the short leg needs to propped up or repaired in order for the table to be functional, the authors note that the human brain under stress is a lot like that tilted table. “Anxiety, fear, and shame make us feel off-balance, and the brain seeks out substances or behaviours that seem to repair or rebalance it, at least temporarily.” Examples of substances include food, nicotine, and alcohol; and common behaviours listed in the book, as ‘rebalancing stimulus,' include shopping, working, hoarding, sex, and cleaning.

Because our brains are different, each of us has a particular substance or behaviour that we find balancing and soothing, which is based on our own unique DNA and the specific choices, opportunities, and challenges we have faced, the authors reason. “Our brain seeks this stimulus in times of stress, especially when we're already feeling down on ourselves. And as stress increases, as the table tilts more and more, it takes more and more of that behaviour or substance to restore balance.”

Compulsive buying

Strange it may seem, but compulsive shoppers are constantly consumed by their money worries, one learns. Ironically, one of their only escapes is the act of shopping itself and so they obsess about it, experience irresistible impulses to do it, and lose control of their spending, the authors elaborate. “Often, early in their lives, compulsive buyers learned that the ritual of shopping provides a temporary escape, whether from a traumatic past, depression, dissatisfaction with their relationship or life, or feelings of emptiness. To fill the emotional void, shopping becomes like a drug, just as work is for workaholics.”

Thankfully, the book speaks of antidotes to the compulsive buying disorders, which if unattended can lead to excessive debt, financial strain, bankruptcy, divorce, and legal complications. One practical suggestion is to leave the credit cards at home and take cash when going out for shopping. “Research shows we spend approximately 30 per cent less when we buy with cash instead of credit cards or gift cards.”

For a therapeutic read, if money nightmares hound you all the time.

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