The Hindu Business Line : BlackBerry `freedom' and tortured associates!

"Twenty-eight messages on my BlackBerry this morning," begins a fretful post datelined `Sunday' in `Anonymous Lawyer,' by Jeremy Blachman, from Vintage (www.vintage-books.co.uk) . "The BlackBerry has absolutely revolutionised the way the firm works. It used to be that in times of crisis, associates were tethered to their desks, unable to leave for lunch, or dinner, for the bathroom, or for an emergency appendectomy - for fear that we wouldn't be able to get in touch with them."

Not so with the new gadget. "Now that they can receive e-mail wherever they are, 24 hours a day, their freedom has increased dramatically... It's a great feeling to know that if I have a research question at three in the morning, I can e-mail an associate and expect an answer within minutes."

Who's this `I'? `A hiring partner at one of the world's largest law firms', the Anonymous Lawyer. "Corner office, granite desk, and a billable rate of $675 an hour," runs a description on the back cover. But what can be more interesting is that the book is `written in the form of a blog' to give you an inside look at the `frightening world' of corporate law.

"I bill the time I think about these sorts of things," reads a blog post, after the novel's protagonist spends time plotting the downfall of a partner! "I call it `research'. The clients never question it. `Research' is code for surfing the Internet, `drafting' is code for eating in your office, `misc. legal forms' is code for ordering gifts online, and `preparing for meeting' is code for taking a crap. Everyone knows. It's no big deal."

A subsequent post seeks `some ideas' on how to `torture' the associates. And suggestions pour in from `blog' readers. Such as: "Tell them you are worried that the computer is not correct and you want them to go through each client file and make a written list of client addresses, opposing counsel, etc." Another counsels, "Have them find and summarise all the reported cases under the new Bankruptcy Code."

And there is a wickeder one: "Have them unstaple and restaple all your documents because you want the staples to be perfectly straight and parallel to the margin. Then tell them you've changed your mind and need all the staples at a 45-degree angle. Then tell them they're in big trouble for wasting staples." In comparison, totalling telephone directory pages should be easier, as some accounting apprentices would affirm!

The book introduces to the anonymous wife and son too, apart from the nephew and the niece. Blachman is the author of a blog after which the book is named: anonymouslawyer.blogspot.com, sub-titled `stories from the trenches, by a fictional hiring partner at a large law firm in a major city'.

A post on the blog, dated January 31 begins thus: "I read an article yesterday about a guy who's suing his law school for discriminating against slow typists. He claims that exams are skewed in favour of people who type fast." The anon lawyer continues: "We fired someone for typing too slowly a few weeks ago. She's still in her office typing out her letter of termination... "

Typing is skill #4 that law schools can inculcate, declares the author. The first skill is `learning to read the professors' minds, just like they'll have to read partners' minds at the firm'. Next is the skill to be busy with journal work. And the third, `learning to tolerate the arbitrary relationship between effort, talent, and rewards'. Because, as explains Blachman, "Grades are pretty close to random at law school, and praise at the firm is similarly pretty close to random."

Wish there were `Anonymous Auditor' too, as riotous as this.

SayCheek@TheHindu.co.in