The Hindu Business Line : Advertising and the long arm of coincidence?

THERE he blows. The cocky, shifty-eyed character spouting insincerities (read `lies'). He keeps getting biffed for his tall tales until he praises a certain car. At which point the biffing stops.

Is the plot clear? "Crystal," you might say. Here's a masochistic liar who redeems himself when he tells the truth. Fine, so far. Or not so fine where I am concerned.

The problem with having been in the advertising business forever, is that on occasion the alarm bells go off. In this case, the mental archives clanged and pointed to Isuzu advertising done in North America many years ago.

Did the advertising for Isuzu have a protagonist? Yes.

His name? Joe Isuzu.

His profession? Car salesman.

His sales pitch? Telling lies.

Now, Joe Isuzu was a charming charlatan. You actually enjoyed listening to his outrageous lies. In one commercial Joe says, "If I am not telling the truth, may God strike my mother dead." God promptly obliges by dispatching a bolt of lightning that fries a little old lady.

Now is this too much of a coincidence? Dunno, you tell me.

On second thoughts it may be ... considering Joe is many car lengths ahead of our homegrown liar.

Which brings us to the subject of car advertising. I was flipping through the pages of a fashion supplement sent by an international business magazine when I froze. It was an advertisement for the new Rolls Royce.

What grabbed me was not the delectable picture but the excrescence of a headline.

It read: `You have arrived.' *&%#@!

You have arrived? You have arrived?!

I was apoplectic. This is a Rolls, you cretins, I raged silently. You are doing the unspeakable by slap-dashing putrid banalities on a hallowed brand.

Worse, which cretin-summa-cum-laude approved the ad?

I am really glad that David Ogilvy, who penned an immortal ad for Rolls, is today in a happier place. When I had heard that the new Rolls was being launched in India, I was hoping that they wouldn't inflict the same ad on us.

The bugles on TV shook me out of my reverie one day as they heralded a voice that intoned "the car fit for a king." You couldn't have faulted me for believing it was an ad for the Rolls.

Well, turned out it wasn't an ad for the Rolls after all. It was an ad for the revamped Esteem.

Somehow I couldn't imagine Charles and Camilla whooshing off in Suzuki's new offering. Though Gordon Brown may not have minded too much.

Is ridiculous exaggeration and in-your-face effrontery the strategy to take the brand forward? Where are the brand custodians? Get your heads out of the sand right now!

The Skoda, (pronounced `Shkoda', as the TV ad gently reminds you) with its new turbo-charged engine is certainly a tarmac ripper.

Skoda wants its vehicle to be a `family rally car.' Imagine a boy racer (even if the boy is 40-plus) being urged to step on the gas in the face of India's unpredictable traffic. Family included.

There are enough speed fiends on the roads anyway, without manufacturers waving chequered flags at them. In my book this wouldn't qualify for responsible advertising.

There are other ways to sell a high performance car surely?

A recent ad for a bike has the rider admiring himself and his steed, in a mirror being carried on a truck, seemingly oblivious to oncoming traffic! A new death-defying twist on narcissism.

I can live with non-creative ads. I can grin and bear it where the Rolls and Esteem ads are concerned. It's the ads that glorify dangerous feats that leave me appalled and shaken.

There's not even the slightest attempt, even in fine print, to suggest that some stunts on the road should only be attempted by professional rally or race drivers.

They say that an armchair is a dangerous place from which to view the world. May be some advertising people should vacate their armchairs and hit the road.

(The writer is a former Board member, Ogilvy & Mather)

Article E-Mail :: Comment :: Syndication :: Printer Friendly Page

Stories in this Section
Catching the wave

Advertising and the long arm of coincidence?

Variety

Idlis in Interlaken

Building the radio brand

Leaving no stone unturned

Five gurus on the firing line!