Financial Daily from THE HINDU group of publications
Thursday, Jun 16, 2005
Financial Daily from THE HINDU group of publications Thursday, Jun 16, 2005 |
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Variety
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Health Columns - Say Cheek Scripting clean movies D. Murali
ANBU has been breathing fire about smoking, and Jaipal has been coughing loudly in protest. There are reports that the two Ministers will be meeting to clear the air on the matter, and so their deputies are working overtime scripting the dialogue, on roughly the following lines... Jai: Yeh, tumne kya kiya, Anbu. Anbu: Enna amaichare, yedavadu kuzhappama? (What Minister, any confusion?) J: No, no! Wrong, wrong! A: That's exactly what I'm saying. No smoking! Because my daddy told me it is wrong. J: You don't understand, Hunboo. A: No, Anbu. Means love. We are not banning that in movies yet! J: But do you realise you're encroaching into my domain? A: Naan, nee enru sollumbothu pirinthirukkum uthadugal naam enru sollumbothu ottik kollum. (Lips that separate when saying `I' or `you' join while saying `we'!) J: Kya bak raha hai? Matter is simple: You don't step on my toes and I won't step on yours. A: You are free to put up I&B posters in my hospitals, and also test your TV programmes in the insomniacs' ward. J: Listen, which you can do only after removing the steth from your ears! A: Let that be, so everybody knows I'm a doc, you see. Yet, if you insist... J: Point number one, the ban is not practicable. Look at the cigarette as part of the costume! A: If so, you shouldn't be setting fire to it. I don't mind if you depict your hero as a woodcutter. Or, portray the villain as a tar-painter. J: Then, the Environment Minister Raja will be behind me! As for tar, I've to ask Baalu. A: Did I tell you I'm planning to ban the standard rape scenes in movies? J: So the younger generation is not misled by what they see on screen? A: Yes, and a health message that should scroll at the bottom. J: Such as, `Please close your eyes for a few minutes'? A: No, the routine one that we use for AIDS awareness on safe sex. J: Aaarh... Then, you'll want to ban scenes that show the hero riding without helmet! A: Good you reminded me. I can say, "Mara mandaigalukkuthan thalai kavacham thevai illai." Which means, no helmet is required only for woodenheads. J: Can I show car chases in films? A: Provided the motorists stick to speed limits, wear safety belts, and follow traffic rules. Also, flash the forewarning, "Speed thrills, but kills." J: Hope you won't object to song sequence shot in snowy locations? A: But the heroine should wear warm clothing. J: Oh, otherwise she may catch pneumonia! A: And also ensure that films show everybody only drinking safe water and eating balanced diet. J: Can they shoot murder scenes? And of characters dying slowly? A: No problem, because that happens in our profession, too. But post mortem is a must!
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